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Honesty.
I could make myself into a character,a legend,a facade,a bullshit artist.Which is very very easy if you are a performer,live outside of a large city and have your main storefront and your main place for people to get information about on you online.But I chose not to do that.
While I never think it’s a good idea to air every skeleton in your closet,a girls got to have a bit of mystery ya know.I chose to be pretty honest about myself,about my thoughts on things,about my hardships,my hurts and accomplishments.
I think some of it comes from being Cajun and raised in Louisiana,most Cajun people are very down to earth.We are raised that way and most of us just have that down to earth mindset.
I do it because some of it comes from my obsession with art,my expressing myself by running my big mouth about my life and views to me is just as much of a artistic expression as my dolls.I live my art as a art experiment.
I also know growing up I related to and looked up to people like Johnny Cash and Lydia Lunch.If Johnny went to jail he told you,if Lydia was raped she told you.One of the things I admire the most about artist is honesty.
I also do it because hopefully it helps other just to know that everybody has struggles,from them to the weird blue haired girl that plays with dolls.As humans we all have a need to know that we are like Job of the bible and God is just letting Satan pick on us.I myself get really frustrates at times with my life,and it makes me feel so much better when I talk to friends,especially other artist and we can rant to each other about the annoyances both big and small we have to deal with.
Just seeing somebody else with the same struggles,at times will just lift the weight off of someone’s shoulders,even more so if they see you came through it a stronger person.
I have been behind my back accused of * hell I have been accused allot of things behind my back,because people don’t want to deal with the hell of telling it to my face* anyhoo.It’s been said behind my back long long ago that I only put myself out there like I do because I’m a media whore.While I like free advertisement just as much as the next fellow,that is not why I try and be open about myself.
Modeling is basically media whoring,It’s a exploitation of myself and my face for publicity means.Talking openly about life experiences isn’t.
I don’t think that people realize that by making yourself into some lofty creature,and weaving the fantasy that you have more money,a better pedigree,less problems and generally hide yourself or worse lie about yourself makes you look like a jackass.I have had people tell me that I should not be so open,I should try and put on the air that I’m a rockstar type and that I shouldn’t make myself so accessible to people who appreciate my work or just want to talk to me.But I never could understand what they accomplishes?Great I’ll lie about myself,feel like dirt inside because I have to constantly keep up a image and I will make others feel just as rotten as me,or worse because they don’t have the perfect life I have bullshitted people into thinking I have.
I do it because it’s helpful to me,it makes me feel better to sit and talk with fellow humans about just the human experience.I also hope by doing that and allowing other people to communicate with me,instead of making myself into some elusive creature like some people do, that it helps others at the same time by just knowing someone else has been there.
Life is Short
It’s 4am and my hair smells like Clorox from me cleaning all day.I’m tired and want to go to bed,but I can’t because I just drank a whole bottle of water and I know I’ll just be falling asleep and will need to pee.
I was thinking today about how so many people both young and old that I know that are secretly miserable.
From people that hate their jobs,the are secretly abused and even beaten by their spouses,that are suffering from their own self imposed limitations,that are crippling themselves,that want to run away and I could just go on and on.
To use some country grammar,if I never teach you kids nothing,it’ll teach y’all to say the hell with it and get the hell out of there while you still can.
There is no reason to be miserable,and believe me I knowwwwwwww it’s so much more easy said then done.But everything starts with just trying.It never hurts to try something.Even if you mess up or fall on your face,at least you can say you tried.Which is a hell of allot more then allot of people can say.
I guess some of my outlook comes from my blood line.My grandfather’s *on my Mom’s side* hopped a train when he wasn’t even a teenage yet,because his daddy used to beat him with a bullwhip.One day a got enough hopped on a train *not bought a ticket,literally hopped on a train* and never looked back.
If you are in a bad or unhappy situation,get out of there while you still have your sanity and will to live.But if you say in a bad situation it will rob you of those things,which are the last things I think a human can be robbed of.The only way you can be made to be unhappy is by letting other people do it to you.You have to learn to refuse to let them inflect their own hang ups on you.
If it’s a person or a job that is making you miserable,start slowly hording what you need and when no one is looking just GO.Go and don’t look back.
Life is very short,and is over before you know it.And I really honestly think that a huge part of our spiritual growth is about just having a damn backbone and just doing SOMETHING.
Just think about the fact that if there is a afterlife and I’m certain there is,and you get to review your life and you see that all along,you could have been happy if you just put one step in front of the other and got off your butt and refused to let people or things make you unhappy.
That to me would be worse then hell.
I think at times we are put in bad situations to learn something,even if it’s just learning how not to treat another person,or to learn empathy for somebody in the same situation.But once you have learned your lesson you are supposed to MOVE ON.You don’t learn anything spiritual by staying miserable or letting somebody blacken your eye night after night.
Just think about all the energy someone puts into repeatedly fighting with a spouse,or having the deal with awful coworkers or just letting something drag them down in general.If they put that much energy into art,or making money or if they are parent spending time with their kids they would do a hell of allot better off.
So in short I guess I’m saying to everybody out there that is miserable,get off your ASS!
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